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Writer's pictureAmanda Lee

Debunking the "Pop-Fiction" of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's 5 Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: 5 Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Griefdenial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—have permeated our understanding of grief, particularly in popular culture. The stages have been referenced in iconic films like "All That Jazz" and "Steel Magnolias", shaping how many people perceive the grieving process. But while her model, or framework is influential, its application is often misinterpreted or oversimplified.


Kübler-Ross's Original intent

Kübler-Ross originally developed the model in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying", based on her work with terminally ill patients. It was meant to describe how people come to terms with their own mortality. Over time, however, the five stages have been generalised to apply to all forms of grief, such as the loss of a loved one, which can be problematic.


Why the Five Stages don’t apply to everyone


1. The linear misconception

A common misunderstanding is the belief that the five stages are experienced in a strict, linear order. Movies like "The Bucket List" and "Inside Out" portray grief as a progression through these stages, but real-life grief is far more complex. Grief is a non-linear journey where individuals may experience different stages in different orders—or not at all. "Manchester by the Sea" is a more accurate depiction of the complexity of grief, as it shows how a person can remain stuck in a specific emotional stage for an extended time.


2. Cultural variations

Kübler-Ross’s model doesn't consider the wide array of cultural and societal differences in how grief is processed. For example, in some cultures, grief is highly communal, with public mourning rituals and shared expressions of sorrow. In contrast, Western cultures often promote private grief, which may not align with Kübler-Ross's framework. Movies like "Coco" show a different cultural perspective on death and grief, where remembrance and celebration of the deceased play key roles.


3. Grief Is more complex

Grief isn’t just about emotional pain. It can also manifest as physical, cognitive, and social disruptions. People experiencing grief may suffer from anxiety, memory issues, or even existential crises, as seen in films like "The Babadook" where grief is symbolised as an all-consuming entity that affects every part of the protagonist’s life. The five stages don’t encompass these broader aspects of loss.


4. There's no universal process

Empirical studies show that not everyone fits into Kübler-Ross's five stages.

Psychologists Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut introduced the Dual Process Model of grief, suggesting that people oscillate between confronting their loss and avoiding it through restorative activities. This model better reflects the dynamic nature of grief, offering a more nuanced framework than Kübler-Ross’s stages.


A Different perspective on grief in popular culture

Movies like "Up" illustrate a more authentic portrayal of grief, where Carl struggles to let go of his wife’s memory, oscillating between grief and hope. Similarly, "Collateral Beauty" explores different forms of loss through metaphorical representations of love, time, and death, without adhering to the rigid five stages.


Kübler-Ross’s enduring influence

While the five stages may not apply universally, Kübler-Ross’s work has undeniably opened the conversation around death and grief, offering a starting point for understanding the emotional turmoil that loss brings. However, it’s essential to recognise the limitations of the model and be open to newer, more inclusive perspectives that reflect the reality of individual and cultural differences in grieving.


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